🎒 How to Travel With Modern Kids Without Losing The Will To Live

AKA: A Survival Guide for Parents Who Just Wanted a Nice Holiday But Got Drama and Pringles Crumbs

You booked the flights. You packed the snacks. You dared to hope it might be relaxing.

It won’t be.

But it can be memorable (and only slightly traumatic) with this handy, hilarious guide to travelling with your modern-day offspring (ages 10 to 14) a.k.a. the eye-rolling, screen-obsessed goblins who still somehow crawl into your bed when the hotel air con makes a sound that’s “too creepy.”

🧃 1. Snacks = Peace Treaty

Do not, under any circumstances, travel without snacks. Snacks are the currency of calm.

  • No snacks: chaos.

  • Wrong snacks: betrayal.

  • Forgotten snacks: grounds for emancipation.

Pro tip: Bring double what you think you’ll need. Then hide your favourites in your sock pouch like a snack squirrel.

📱 2. Screen Time Rules Don’t Exist on Planes

You can try to limit screen time if you enjoy failure.
In-flight, screen time is life support. Download shows, games, apps, and emergency “calm-down” podcasts like you’re prepping for a tech-powered apocalypse.

Bonus tip: Make a shared playlist. Let them add music. Regret it deeply when “Skibidi Toilet Remix” starts at full volume mid-turbulence.

🧳 3. Let Them Pack Their Own Bags Then Secretly Repack

Sure, let them choose what to bring. But then snoop and fix it.

You’ll discover:

  • 3 hoodies for a beach trip

  • No underwear

  • A single sock from 2017

  • 14 fidget toys

  • A mysterious bag of Lego with no actual figures

Slide in some weather-appropriate clothes, a toothbrush, and some dignity, then seal it like it never happened.

🧠 4. Expect Deep, Pointless Questions at Inappropriate Times

Gen Z/Alpha kids have one mission: to drop a confusing philosophical bomb right as you’re boarding a bus.

Sample questions may include:

  • “Do ants have governments?”

  • “What if we’re the aliens?”

  • “Is water wet?”

  • “Can you still be famous if no one likes you?”

Just say “maybe” and hand them a biscuit.

🗺️ 5. They Will Complain About Everything, Even If They’re Having Fun

This is normal.

You’ll hear:

  • “This is boring.”

  • “I’m hot.”

  • “I hate walking.”

  • “Why does it smell like that?”

  • “Can we go home?”
    While simultaneously smiling in all your Instagram pics and jumping into the pool like gremlins on sugar.

Interpret their whining as a love language. They're just expressing deep joy... through sarcasm.

🤳 6. Brace for 1,000 Photos of Their Foreheads

You planned a beautiful day of sightseeing. They took 43 blurry selfies in front of a bin and posted, “out here living my best life x.”

You are not in a single picture.

Smile. It’s their process.

🚽 7. Toilet Needs Are Never Convenient

They will not go when you ask them.

They will need to go:

  • The moment the tour starts.

  • Halfway through a jungle hike.

  • When the nearest toilet is 2.6km away and requires a sherpa.

Always carry tissues, coins, and the emotional strength of a seasoned hostage negotiator.

📣 8. Embrace the Chaos, Lower the Expectations

Your dream of peaceful cultural enrichment is cute. Let it go.

This trip will be:

  • Loud

  • Slightly messy

  • Weirdly magical

  • Full of inside jokes and “remember when Dad fell in the fountain?” moments

If they come home with memories, mosquito bites, and a tan line shaped like an iPad…you won.

🏆 Bonus: Mr. Jones’ Golden Rules of Kid Travel

  • A bribe is not a bribe if you call it a "treat."

  • If they nap, do not wake them. Even if the Pope walks past.

  • Accept that “fun” means slime shops, weird souvenirs, and ice cream before 11am.

  • Your sanity is worth the €6 inflatable flamingo.

  • Document everything—they’ll deny how much they enjoyed it later.

🧳 Final Thought?

Travelling with Gen Z & Alpha kids is a little like juggling jelly. Messy, unpredictable, and occasionally in your hair. But it’s also the good stuff. These are the weird, funny, bonding-moment years.

So lean into it. Take the selfies. Dance in the airport. Be the embarrassing parent you were born to be.

And if it all goes pear-shaped?

Just say, “We’re making memories.”
Then order another mojito.