Chichen Itza
🏛️ A Totally Serious, Very Academic Guide to Chichén Itzá (Spoiler: It’s Not Serious at All)
Ruins, sunburn, and “is this the place from TikTok?” energy.
If you're in Mexico and don't visit Chichén Itzá, the Mayan gods will personally revoke your all-inclusive wristband and smite your Wi-Fi. This ancient city is one of the New Seven Wonders of the World, and honestly? It slaps. Big pyramids. Bigger history. Even bigger chance of heatstroke if you don’t pack water.
Here’s your chaotic, mildly educational, mostly funny guide to doing Chichén Itzá the right way.
🗺️ First of All, What Is Chichén Itzá?
It’s a massive Mayan archaeological site in the middle of the Yucatán jungle, featuring El Castillo (a.k.a. the big pointy pyramid that shows up on every fridge magnet ever), plus temples, ball courts, skull walls (yes, really), and enough mysterious energy to reboot your entire personality.
Built over 1,000 years ago by people way smarter than us, this place is basically a flex from the past:
“Hey, we had maths, astronomy, and a load of bricks”
🧃 How to Prepare for Your Visit Like a Boss
Get there early. Like ‘I’m still brushing my teeth in the van’ early. Otherwise, it’s you vs 10,000 sweaty tourists and one angry iguana.
Bring water. This isn’t just “bit warm” heat. This is “sweat in places you didn’t know existed” heat.
Wear a hat. Sunburn on your scalp is real and it’s unforgiving.
Comfortable shoes. Unless you like the sensation of your feet giving up halfway through the tour.
Optional but encouraged: wide-brimmed hat, poncho, mysterious notebook so you look like a National Geographic explorer.
🏯 El Castillo – The Main Character Energy Is Unreal
The big boy. The one you came for. The Temple of Kukulkan.
Fun fact: this pyramid is designed so precisely, when the sun hits it during the spring and autumn equinox, it creates the illusion of a snake slithering down the stairs.
Did the Mayans invent light shows before electricity? Kinda. Did I stand there clapping like a seal because someone told me it echoes back like a bird? Absolutely.
Also:
No, you can’t climb it.
Yes, people used to.
Yes, someone once fell.
No, they don’t let people anymore.
Respect the ruins or risk the wrath of every history teacher you’ve ever had.
🏀 The Great Ball Court – Where Sports Got Dramatic
Imagine football, but way more intense. Losers didn’t just go home. They possibly got sacrificed. Talk about high stakes.
You’ll see stone rings way up high on the walls. Apparently, they had to hit a ball through them without using their hands. Which is insane. I can’t even do that in FIFA.
The acoustics here are mad. Whisper something at one end, and people at the other end will hear it. Unless you’re whispering about how hot it is. That’s just universal.
💀 The Wall of Skulls – Just a Casual Bit of Nightmare Fuel
This is the Tzompantli, which in ancient Mayan loosely translates to:
"Here’s a stone wall with carvings of actual human skulls, enjoy your holiday."
It’s spooky, fascinating, and the kind of place that makes you reflect deeply while also wondering if your next iced coffee stop is nearby.
🛍️ Vendors – AKA The Jungle’s Black Market
You’ll hear them before you see them:
“ONE DOLLAR! ALMOST FREE! JAGUAR SOUND FOR YOU!”
Yes, there are hundreds of vendors inside the site selling wooden jaguar whistles, fridge magnets, hammocks, mysterious masks, fake Arsenal football shirts, bracelets made of every rock to ever exist and 1,000% humidity. Bring cash and a strong will—some of them could sell sand to a camel.
If you do buy the jaguar whistle (and you will), please don’t blow it every five seconds like you’re calling your Pokémon. Save it for the hotel pool.
🔥 Final Word?
Chichén Itzá is 10/10. Epic, mysterious, Insta-worthy, and hotter than the sun. Go for the history. Stay for the jungle chaos. And leave knowing you stood somewhere that’s been impressing people for over a thousand years.
Even the Mayans would say:
"This still bangs."