A: Only if you want to be rescued when you fall off a quad bike, get heatstroke at a foam party, or confuse a jellyfish for a beach toy. Yes. Always. It’s cheaper than explaining to your nan why you now owe a Spanish hospital three grand and a kidney.

A: If you’re like my mum was 20 years ago then 17 hours early with printed boarding passes in a folder. If you’re like me, just early enough to sprint through security shoeless while shouting “MY GATE CLOSES IN FOUR MINUTES.”
The sweet spot? 2 to 3 hours. Add 15 mins if you're likely to forget your passport in Duty Free.

A: Yes, unless you enjoy losing 40 percent of your budget to a man in arrivals who smells like debt and shame. Or unless you like hearing your bank say “international transaction fee” every five seconds. Pro tip: use a decent travel card and avoid airport rates like they’re an ex in Ibiza.

A: Depends. In Switzerland? Yes. In rural Thailand? Absolutely not unless you're trying to kickstart a week-long cleanse you didn’t sign up for.
If in doubt, bottle it. Or drink beer. That’s mostly water and significantly more fun.

A: Panic. Then stop panicking. Go to your nearest embassy. Cry a bit. Fill in some forms. Try not to look suspicious. You’ll get a temporary passport. But expect some serious stink-eye from airport staff who now think you're a secret agent or a very sweaty criminal.

A: Yes. It’s the law. You paid for it. That’s yours now. If you can carry the robe too without security noticing, I’m not saying do it… but I’m also not stopping you.