Priority check-in – Straight past the queues like we were The Kardashians. No more sweating in line behind Karen who's arguing about her 20.1kg suitcase.

Extra luggage – Bring all your shoes. Bring your emotional baggage. Bring your nan. Whatever. They won’t blink.

Free airport lounge – This one slapped. Full English breakfast, unlimited toast. Captain Morgan and Coke at 6am and nobody judging you. I filled my hand luggage with Hash Browns like Napoleon Dynamite.

Priority boarding – You get to glide past the sad queue of humanity like a VIP. Honestly, I’ve never felt more smug. Should’ve worn sunglasses.

Comfier seat, better food, Free bag of crap – You actually have room for your knees (not much more), You’re also left with a free travel toiletries bag with some skincare, toothpaste, eye mask and other shite you’ll never use. They serve you a proper meal, on a plate. With silver cutlery, like you’re flying with the royal family. I tucked into chicken with a knife that didn’t bend and I’ve never felt more powerful.

Unlimited booze** – Cocktails, beers, wines… I said yes to everything like it was an all-inclusive wedding and I was the groom. After dinner Baileys as we fly over Miami? Don’t mind if I do! **Drink responsibly people, don’t end up another idiotic brit going viral cos you forced the plane to land in Canada

First off the plane – While the peasants are still trying to wrestle their bags from the overhead locker, you're already through immigration, humming “Started From The Bottom.”