Why All-Inclusive Holidays Are Actually the Best Thing Ever
Wristbands, Waffles and Not a Single Real Thought for a Week
Forget finding yourself. Forget exploring hidden coves and mingling with locals. Sometimes you just want to wake up, walk to a buffet in flip-flops, and consume 4,000 calories before 10am. And that’s fine. That’s elite behaviour.
If you’ve ever done an all-inclusive and come back heavier, happier and mildly sun-poisoned, you know the vibes. Let’s talk about why all-inclusive is secretly the pinnacle of holidaying.
You Don’t Have to Make a Single Decision
Nothing unlocks true peace like not thinking. Not googling. Not scanning menus with anxiety while pretending you know what aubergine carpaccio is.
You want a plate of waffles at 11pm? Sorted. You want chips with every meal? No one’s judging. You want a strawberry daiquiri before you’ve even put on trousers? That’s the dream. No decisions. Just vibes.
All you have to remember is your room number and where the good sunbeds are. That’s the full mental load.
It Feels Like You’re Cheating Capitalism
There’s something deliciously rebellious about drinking 12 cocktails in a day and knowing you already paid for them. You walk up to the bar like
“Another mojito please. Yes it’s my fifth. No I won’t be tipping. This one’s on me. Past Me paid for it. Legend”
Every time you get a plate of food or a glass of wine without handing over money, you feel like you’re scamming the system. Even if the food is 90 percent beige and the wine could strip paint, it’s the principle.
Daytime Drinking Becomes a Skillset
All-inclusive is the only place where it’s socially acceptable to be sipping sangria while doing aqua aerobics. You become a connoisseur of watered-down cocktails. You develop a sixth sense for which bartender actually measures the rum and which one pours with love.
By the end of the trip you’re part of a secret society of poolside drinkers who’ve all silently agreed that it’s five o’clock all the time. Your liver is confused. Your soul is thriving.
There’s Food Every Time You Turn Around
Breakfast buffet. Second breakfast. Snack bar. Lunch. Poolside nachos. Afternoon tea. Dinner. Late-night chips for no reason.
All-inclusive time is not real time. It’s not governed by clocks. It’s governed by stomach vibes and ice cream availability.
You walk past a burger station and think
“Do I need a burger right now”
Then your brain replies
“It’s free”
And suddenly you’re holding a burger. It’s magic.
Everyone is in Holiday Mode Together
There’s something beautiful about the shared energy of an all-inclusive resort. The group of British lads who wear matching vests. The sunburnt nan who’s on her fourth piña colada by noon. The kids in the mini disco losing their minds to Baby Shark. The weird foreign guy in his early 60’s wearing Speedos and the best tan you’ve ever seen smoking a cigar next to his 25 year old model Mrs.
No one cares who you are back home. Here you’re just another person in swimwear eating chips with your fingers while a man in a straw hat plays the bongos. And you’ve never felt more alive.
You Can Fully Power Down as a Human Being
When you go all-inclusive, you stop being a person. You become a holiday blob. You nap after breakfast. You rotate from pool to snack bar like a happy sunburnt robot. You haven’t seen legal tender or touched a wallet in days.
There’s no maps. No taxis. No worrying if a local restaurant is going to give you food poisoning or enlightenment. Just sit. Eat. Sip. Float. Repeat.
It’s not lazy. It’s efficient.
Final Words From Mr Jones
Yes, all-inclusive has its flaws. But if you want a week where everything is sorted and your only stress is whether to go back for more calamari, it’s unbeatable.
It’s not about culture. It’s about carbs. It’s about cocktail-flavoured freedom. It’s about turning off your brain and letting the buffet heal you.
So slap that wristband on like a badge of honour. Grab a plate. Order a cocktail you can’t pronounce. And let yourself be truly, gloriously average.
You deserve it.